I hope they like me..

So I've finally decided what I want to do when I grow up, and you'll never guess what it is! Ok, well actually you probably can guess what it is since you've already read the title of this article...but its true! I've decided I want to be a Stroke when I grow up! Yup, thats right...I'm going to be a member of my favorite, ultra-hip rock band, The Strokes!

Now I know many of you readers out there probably see a few problems with this. First and foremost, you're probably thinking its a little too late in life for a 28 year old to be talking about what he wants to be when "he grows up". I don't care though, its never too late to dream big. I think this wild notion of mine started a few weeks back, when I was bored and frustrated at work one day. I decided to take some self-inventory of my life and wondered how I ended up with such a lame job, and tried to think back to my younger days. When I was a kid, I had so many lofty goals for when I grew up (I don't think many kids out there are thinking "I want to be a computer programmer/consultant when I grow up !"). I wanted to the first Indian President of the United States when I grew up. I wanted to be the first Indian third baseman for the Phillies when I grew up. I wanted to get with Tootie from Facts of Life when I grew up (Hey, there was a year or two during the post Mrs. Garrett years when she was kinda hot!).

Sadly though, at this juncture at my life, all my childhood ambitions have gone unfulfilled! I pretty much realized I'd probably never become President after my horrid public speaking skills were on display during a disasterous speech about the Taj Mahal when I was was 12 at a local Indian organization elocution contest (I'm still trying to live down referring to the Jamuna River as the "Gemini River"). I pretty much realized I didn't have the baseball skills to make it to the big leagues after only getting to play in about 3 innings the whole season on my 7th grade JV Baseball team (I did look great on the field wearing those stirrup socks though...how cool are those?). I guess I still probably have some hope of banging Tootie, but um...I think at this point Kim Fields is pretty much past her prime.

So being slightly depressed about my current place in life, I decided I needed to take some initiative and think about a new goal for myself. Something that I could do that would bring fun, excitment and and happiness in my life (ie. score me lots of money, free stuff and hot girls). Then finally driving home that day, the ephiphany for my future came to me. I had been thoroughly enjoying the car ride home, while listening to The Strokes' excellent third album First Impressions of Earth and it got me thinking about how much I've missed their music the past 2 years since their last album. Then I was thinking about how I loved the band themselves and how they handle themselves. They're music is catchy, but not so catchy that anyone would call them a sellout. They're famous, but not so famous they can't ride the subway or go chill at a local bar. I love the way they dress and their music...they were everything I'd want to be if I was in a rock band. And then it hit me, maybe its not too late for me to become a Stroke too! I know it's a lofty goal but why not?

I know many of you think I'm out of my mind, but just to show you that I'm not deluding myself, I decided to do some research on the band and really see if I had a legitimate chance of someday becoming a Stroke. I put together a little scorecard (pluses for things in my favor, minuses for things not in my favor) and as you'll soon see, maybe my dream isn't so out there after all:

My Own "Could I Be A Stroke?" Scorecard
	I own a number of highwater pants AND a white electric guitar...just like guitarist Albert Hammond Jr.! +3
	I don't really know how to play my aforementioned white guitar. -1
	I also don't have a wicked afro like Al does. -5
	I wear a collarless black leather jacket just like drummer Fabrizio Moretti! +4
	Unfortunately, I don't date Drew Barrymore like Fab does. -11
	I probably couldn't pull off wearing a blouse (or whatever it is he's wearing) as well as guitarist Nick Valensi. -2
	Living in a large city like Philadelphia gives me plenty of ready access to purchasing thrift store t-shirts. +3
	I like baseball..they like baseball! +1
	I like to consume massive amounts of cheap alcohol...they like to consume massive amounts of cheap alcohol! +9
	4 out of the 5 members of the band are seemingly like 6'6, rail thin white guys, while i'm a 5'10 outta shape dorky Indian guy. -2
	The 5th member of the band, bassist Nikolai Fraiture, like myself, could probably stand to lose a few pounds. +2
	I don't have cool, somewhat famous friends (that often appear in their videos) like they do, including excellent musicians Guided By Voices and comedian David Cross (pictured in The Strokes' Juicebox video). -10
	I do have my good friend Abbey who's an excellent musician and who my friend Dennis makes fun of often by telling him he looks like comedian David Cross! He was also once on Showtime at the Apollo too. That makes him somewhat famous to us. +12
Total Score = +3

So as you can see, I stand a better than even chance of becoming a Stroke when I grow up! Yay! I guess all I need is some guitar lessons, to get down to waifishly thin proportions and to find a Charlie's Angel to date and i'm IN! Um, if anyone out there happens to have Lucy Liu's number by any chance, please, hook a brotha up! As soon as her and I hit it off, I'll see you at the Grammy's!