WTF? Jen married Dawson!?

Ok, so I saw Brokeback Mountain. I'm not ashamed to admit it! So what, I'm a heterosexual male, but I'm comfortable enough in my manhood to watch a movie about two men in love! Well ok, that's not entirely true...I only went because I got dragged there by a girl (a familiar story I'm sure for many of you guys out there), but I AM comfortable enough in my manhood not to run out of the theater screaming at the first glimpse of male ass, which I am proud of! The truth is though, it wasn't that bad at all. I'm about the furthest thing in the world from a homophobe, so I didn't mind watching a love story about two gay men. Well, I guess the furthest thing in the world from a homophobe would be an actual gay guy...which I'm not..but I'm the furthest away other than that! And the movie, while not anywhere near the best of the year in humble opinion (Hello Academy? Have you heard of a little film called Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo???), Heath Ledger was amazing and all in all it was a pretty good movie.

I did have a few problems with the film though. Of course, there's my own personal private vendetta against Jake Gyllenhall. Oh man, how I hate that bastard. The worst part about watching any movie with Jake Gyllenhall is the inevitable scene in all his movies, where the camera pans across the screen and you see Jake looking wistfully off in the distance with his big blue doe eyes and that stupid half smirk on his face. I KNOW you all know the look I'm talking about. Ladies, its usually the point in the movie when all of you sigh and think "Awwwwww!". For guys its usually the point in the movie when we usually clench our fists really tight and wish we could punch Jake right in the face...you know, a real good shot...right in the kisser! BAM!

Ok, sorry about that, got a little carried away there. The other problem for a straight guy going to see Brokeback Mountain is that, it's a movie that a few guys would never go see together. So the ONLY way a straight guy would go see it is if a girl wanted to see it with him. Which is a problem, especially if you're on date, since this is a film that offers absolutely NO good moment to make out at! I mean..like none..and believe me...I was looking for ANY possible opening...and there was nothin! Its tough enough to make the move when Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhall are liplocked or wrestling w/o their shirts on, but the rest of the movie is pretty sad and depressing too, so unfortunately, the only option real option is to sit their awkwardly until the end credits roll!

I did make it through the movie though, and the evening ended pretty well, but I have to say I've been acting a little bit strange this week. I don't even think I noticed it until a few days afterwards. I realized I was spitting and cursing a little more than usual. I worked out and lifted weights every night, when I'm usually lucky if I manage 2 or 3 nights a week. The unusual behavoir didn't stop there. I bought two cases of beer, even though I really didn't need that much. I found myself watching ESPN til 2 in the morning all week. I don't think it fully hit me until I was coming home from work one day and had an inexplicable urge to purchase a drill...my first power tool! After I got home and was drilling some shelves into the wall, it finally hit me. Was I in some way trying to compensate for having watched Brokeback? Did I somehow subconsciously need to validate my manhood to myself just because I saw two guys going at it in a movie? I would have liked to think I wasn't that petty, but the evidence was there.

I felt a little guilty about it, until I thought, well maybe it could be a positive. Maybe the movie could be a vehicle for social change after all. Not only can it force us to emphathize with the universality and tragedy of love, regardless of our sexual orientation...but maybe it can be a way to force guys to do guy things they actually need to do. I've done more weightlifting and house work on my place than I have since I moved in. See ladies, if you can somehow talk your men into seeing this movie, maybe there will be men across the country that will start mowing lawns and fixing cars en masse! It would be an interesting sociological experiment to ponder, but unfortunately it'll have to wait til tommorow. I'm too busy scratching my crotch and watching porn tonight.